Late last night a well-known artist disappeared from his dorm room on Metroplex U’s main campus. After stirring up controversy with an art showing that resulted in structural damage to the University’s art museum, he’s continued to make waves by disappearing on several occasions.

His friends relate that this time is different, however. In the middle of the night, while working on his newest painting, they report he was snatched from his dorm room by men in dark suits.

Sergeant Blader with the campus detachment of Midgard Security Forces refused to comment. However, off the record, one of his guards told us not to expect any investigation on the “obvious publicity stunt.” Another suggested it’s only thanks to the guards’ work that “[he] hasn’t taken a bullet to the head yet.”

We asked Maxwell Newman, the undergrad who originally reported the disappearance, his opinion on the guards’ candid statements. He had the following to offer: “I can see why they’d think that. I mean, he’s wandered around a couple times, ending up on the Docks and so forth. But we’re going to give them until Sunday or Monday to realize this is the real deal before we look for outside help.”

Mr. Newman declined to clarify what outside help they might be after.

This has been your University news report, sponsored by the Metroplex University Bookstore, now a proud distributor of OmniCola.